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I Have Traveled a Long Road by Michael Seifert, Class of 2003 Thinking, feeling and willing; these are words we have heard many times by the third year of the teacher training. I thought I knew what each of these were--after all I think and feel and have will or determination in my life. But in the third year we are reading Study of Man by Steiner. Three chapters into this book and two weeks into the third year, I am finding that this three-fold nature of man, and especially the will, is looked at in quite a different way. Exploring the nature of will, I try to separate out its different qualities. There is the will that controls my environment and imposes my preferences upon others. There is the will that gets things done. There is the will that attempts to live up to my ideals of being a better person. And most significantly, there is the will that moves my life forward in new directions, such as taking this teacher training and starting a new career. Going forward into new and inspired directions seems to be connected to an invisible force. I have the feeling that this force draws me forward through life toward my destiny. Reflecting on Study of Man, I would say that my inner affinity toward those things which enliven me are the signposts that I am working in the realm of will. Becoming a third year student is much different than I expected. My focus is all of a sudden very practical, in a survival sort of way. One year from today I could have my own class! I am glad to have another year of training. I am doubly motivated to support the transformations that are preparing me to survive and thrive as a Waldorf grades teacher (and as a person). This is no small miracle. No small amount of will is required of me as partner in this process. After all the anthroposophy of the first year I asked, "So when do we learn about the curriculum and becoming teachers?" Well we finally do, but it seems that the focus on the practical nuts and bolts is somehow only the skeleton, the support for the teaching that happens through the work of the will. We're practicing how to artistically imbue the curriculum material with life. The third year so far seems not so radically different in terms of material. But my experience of being in the third year is radically different. I am much more aware of this time as a grace-filled opportunity. I was perhaps in greater need of this teacher training than many. My journey through the intellectual realm started very young (my brother was teaching me square roots when I was in second grade). I have travelled a long road into the depths of the intellectual darkness; to come back again into aliveness is a great exercise of will. The third year for me is about supporting this journey to life through developing the will, this seed of spirit and soul. |
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